May 29, 2012

The Onion Daily Dispatch - May 29, 2012



The Onion
Tue May 29, 2012 www.theonion.com

Biden To Honor Fallen Soldiers By Jumping Motorcycle Over Vietnam Memorial 05.25.12

WASHINGTON—In an effort to honor fallen American soldiers this Memorial Day with a fittingly "badass" tribute, Vice President Joe Biden has announced plans to jump a motorcycle over the entire length of the Vietnam Veterans Memorial. Biden...

News in Brief »

Crayola CEO Presents Jarringly Ambitious 5-Year Plan At Annual Shareholders Meeting

American Voices »

Solar Plane Makes First Intercontinental Flight

"That seems pretty risky. What if Ra becomes displeased and blots out the sun?"

opinion »

Come On! There Has To Be One Person In This Goddamn School Who's Been Molested

by Ted Bartlett, Guidance Counselor

By Ted Bartlett, Guidance Counselor

Radio News »

Local Man Gets Stabbing Right On 47th Try

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Horoscope »

Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19

No one can argue effectively without the correct set of tools, so make sure you have a hammer in each hand.

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