May 28, 2012

The Onion Daily Dispatch - May 28, 2012

The Onion
Mon May 28, 2012

NRA Sets 1,000 Killed In School Shooting As Amount It Would Take For Them To Reconsider Much Of Anything 05.25.12

FAIRFAX, VA—National Rifle Association Executive Vice President and CEO Wayne LaPierre said Monday that somewhere around 1,000 kids would have to die in a school shooting in order for the organization to reconsider their longstanding opposition to g...

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Crayola CEO Presents Jarringly Ambitious 5-Year Plan At Annual Shareholders Meeting

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Solar Plane Makes First Intercontinental Flight

"That seems pretty risky. What if Ra becomes displeased and blots out the sun?"

opinion »

Come On! There Has To Be One Person In This Goddamn School Who's Been Molested

by Ted Bartlett, Guidance Counselor

By Ted Bartlett, Guidance Counselor

Radio News »

Local Man Gets Stabbing Right On 47th Try

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Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19

No one can argue effectively without the correct set of tools, so make sure you have a hammer in each hand.

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