May 11, 2012

The Onion Daily Dispatch - May 11, 2012



The Onion
Fri May 11, 2012 www.theonion.com

Kentucky Derby Winner Hoping He Won't Have To Repeat What Was Easily Most Traumatic Experience Of Life 05.11.12

LOUISVILLE, KY—Shaken and trembling Kentucky Derby winner I'll Have Another, who came from behind and outside on the final turn to win the Kentucky Derby in a breathtaking display of speed and panic, is reportedly hoping that nothing like the 1-1/4-...

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Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19

You've tried everything you can think of to stop yourself from gaining weight. Unfortunately, you have your best ideas while eating entire coconut-cream pies.

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