May 2, 2012

The Onion Daily Dispatch - May 02, 2012






The Onion
Wed May 02, 2012 www.theonion.com

Anxiety-Ridden Man Rightly Ashamed Of Every Single Thing He Does 05.02.12

OAKLAND, CA—Friends and colleagues of copywriter Timothy Gibula confirmed Wednesday that the anxiety-ridden 36-year-old is right to feel ashamed of every single thing he does, considering that all his acquaintances are, exactly as he fears, actively...

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New Visa Talking Credit Card Urges Buyers To Go For It

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Occupy Calls For General Strike

"It's not a good day for me because I have three meetings, but tell you what, I'll wear my Guy Fawkes mask."

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As Long As My Child Does Something That Makes Him Happy And Wins The National Book Critics Circle Award For Fiction, I'll Be Proud

by Gregory MacIntyre

By Gregory MacIntyre

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Mosquito's Life Cut Short

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Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19

You will experience unbounded happiness and success in every area of your life this week, unless of course there is something fundamentally and irreversibly wrong with you.

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