May 1, 2012

The Onion Daily Dispatch - May 01, 2012


The Onion
Tue May 01, 2012 www.theonion.com

NASA Announces Plans To Put Man On Bus To Cleveland 04.30.12

CAPE CANAVERAL, FL—Hailing the dawn of a new era in long-distance highway travel, NASA officials unveiled Monday the agency's ambitious plans to put a man on a bus to Cleveland, OH by early 2013. The complex and dangerous three-day mission, du...

News in Brief »

New Visa Talking Credit Card Urges Buyers To Go For It

American Voices »

Tourist Ban In Dutch Pot Cafés Upheld

"Wow, they must have a lot of faith in their tourism board's ability to talk up soused herring."

opinion »

As Long As My Child Does Something That Makes Him Happy And Wins The National Book Critics Circle Award For Fiction, I'll Be Proud

by Gregory MacIntyre

By Gregory MacIntyre

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Mosquito's Life Cut Short

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Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19

You will experience unbounded happiness and success in every area of your life this week, unless of course there is something fundamentally and irreversibly wrong with you.

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