Apr 23, 2012

The Onion Daily Dispatch - April 23, 2012

The Onion
Mon Apr 23, 2012 www.theonion.com

DOT: Dangerous Intersection Causing Some Pretty Cool Accidents 10.13.06

SACRAMENTO, CA—A series of wicked brutal wrecks at the intersection of McKinley and Grove have been officially classified as "spec-fucking-tacular."

News in Brief »

Study: Red Meat Takes Years Off Of Cow's Life

American Voices »

University Shuts Down Marijuana Rally

"If the stench of 10,000 marijuana advocates isn't going to deter these people, a few pounds of fertilizer probably won't do the trick."

opinion »

Well, Well, Well, Look Who's Come Crawling To His Uncle To Hear His Fleetwood Mac Concert Stories

by Michael Fleischmann

Ah, my dear nephew, I thought those were your steps I heard. Allow me to pause this Mirage concert bootleg; may I ask to what I owe this unexpected visit?

Radio News »

Cocky Attempt To Operate ATM In Spanish Backfires

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